How do I invite a friend to Deep Water?
Deep Water has always grown by word of mouth, one friend inviting another. Sometimes the conversation can be tricky: we want to maintain confidentiality, and not “unwrap the gift” before a participant is on the weekend–but that can create an aura of mystery.
Here are some ideas that might help.
Tell your own story. I’m not going to share exactly what we did on the weekend, but I am glad to tell you what I worked on, learned, and gained. Not “Tim pretended to be my dad for a few minutes” but “The guys helped me figure out one way to think differently about my dad.”
Mention the “Pass Rule.” Within our first hour together, we tell all participants: “It is always your choice to participate or to “pass.” We honor each person’s boundaries. When someone says “No,” we affirm their courage. It’s a normal part of the weekend.
Outline the flow. Explain that the weekend is packed with activities for all but the 8 hours per night that we sleep. Most things we do last 30-60 minutes. If one activity seems like not your thing, the next one might be exactly what you want to do.
Describe our purposes. The Deep Water weekend is a chance to join a community of men who are willing to do courageous things in order to grow. We hold confidentiality, build trust, and provide a place where each person can engage to the level he feels willing. This is not always a comfortable place, but it is uniquely powerful.
FAQs
Why is Deep Water so secretive?
We’re not a secret society (no special handshakes, and no mystery about who’s involved). We’re proud of what we do–and it’s only possible if we maintain the confidentiality of every participant and staff member. Each man’s story is his own to share, and no one else’s.
The activities we do are not secret, either, but they make more sense within the context of the weekend–as is true for any culture or group. (Try explaining baptism or the eucharist to a person with no knowledge of Christianity.)
How religious is Deep Water?
As religious as any man who participates. We are not a church; we do not enforce any kind of creed. Our only behavioral expectations are in place for each other’s safety and confidentiality during the 48 hours of the weekend.
That said, most DW men in the past (including the founders and board members) have come from Protestant or evangelical backgrounds, so many of us find meaning in biblical language and symbols, and those show up in some of our activities on the weekend. Every person is welcome to interpret them in the ways they find most helpful.
We’re all journeying toward wholeness in relation to ourselves, our fellow humans, and the transcendent (which many of us call God). Deep Water does not aim to define that for you, but to walk with you. Many of us feel led to do so because of our commitment to Christ–which is exactly why we are eager to serve and walk with any man who wishes to join us.
If I decide during the weekend that it’s not for me, can I leave?
Of course. We’re serious: every participant is free to engage or not at every moment. We always prefer that everyone remain present, hoping that the next activity will be a better fit–but you are free to go if that seems best for you. We cannot refund the cost of the weekend because it goes to the facility for room and board.